Helping your child with executive functions (2209)

What are executive functions? 

Executive functions, often called EF, are everyday skills that help us to be successful.  Learning these skills help people get things done, get along with others, and feel good about themselves. These include:

• Starting on tasks instead of putting them off.
• Setting goals, planning, and choosing what is most important. 
• Coming up with new ideas.
• Changing plans when they’re not working.
• Creating your own study strategies.
• Handling emotions.
• Being aware of feelings and actions.
• Using self-control.

How do I help my child with EF challenges?

Children and teens who have these challenges may need more time and practice to learn to do things on their own.  Your child may need extra reminders or steps to complete daily living tasks, such as:

• Getting ready for school (brushing teeth, getting dressed and eating breakfast).
• Keeping track of belongings.
• Finishing and turning in schoolwork.
• Making and keeping friends.

EF challenges happen with ADHD, autism, learning disorders, and anxiety or depression.

How can I motivate my child or teen to learn these skills?

Anyone can learn EF skills.  Start with an incentive.

For children under 12-years-old, try a Daily Report Card. 

1. Parents or teachers can decide the wanted behaviors and goals.
2. The child earns stars when they meet goals.
3. They trade in stars for simple rewards.

Teens like to find their own way of doing things. Guide them to come up with solutions and try them out. Ask questions like, "What is one thing you'd like to do differently?" or "Is there something you've been thinking about trying?" People are more likely to stick with something if it's their idea.

How can my child manage stress and anxiety?

Stress can make it hard to start tasks. When your child feels overwhelmed, they might do fun things instead, like social media or playing videogames. The ideas below can help your child use their EFs instead of avoiding the hard things.

Ideas for starting tasks

• Help your child set goals.
• Start with easy tasks.
• Start with the hardest task first.
• Break big tasks into smaller steps.
• Set a goal before starting a task. A goal may be “What can I do in 10 minutes?”: Work for 10 to 25 minutes, then take a 5-minute break. After a few cycles, take a longer break.
• Avoid screens and social media during breaks and study time.
• Guess how long a task will take and time yourself.

Ideas for planning and choosing where to start

• Do a "brain dump". Write down everything you're thinking about for a project before starting.
• Rank steps or tasks by how important or stressful they are. Start with the most important or stressful task first.
• Use a to-do list, calendar, or app.
• Use checklists or pictures with spoken instructions.

How to organize work

• Create a homework tracking system: Use a two-pocket folder for paper assignments. Use one pocket for "to do" and another for "done."
• Check your school portal at the same time every day. Set a reminder in your phone.
• Use colored folders, notebooks with dividers, and assignment notebooks.

Ideas for handling emotions and relationships

• Teach your child to listen carefully. Ask them what they heard.
• Guide them to take a short break to clear their mind.
• You can help avoid meltdowns by finding and removing the item that is causing it. Ask yourself, “What is my child having trouble doing?”). When they are calm, invite your child to help you understand what they are struggling with.

Resources

Books

• Focus and thrive by Laurie Chaikind McNulty LCSW-C
• Percy Jackson and The Olympians Series by Rick Riordan
• Winning with ADHD by Grace Friedman and Sarah Cheyette MD

Websites

• Harvard Medical School: Executive function in children: Why it matters and how to help
• Harvard Medical School: More than sad: Depression affects your ability to think
• Understood.org: Learn about the difference between ADHD and executive function challenges.
• Autism Speaks: Learn more about executive functioning.
• Understood.org
  • helpful advice for parents about responding to lying and other impulsive behaviors like stealing
  • “7 Discipline Tips When Your Child has ADHD
  • Working Memory Boosters” and "Homework Challenges and Strategies." These tips can apply to reading or in any activity where a child struggles to learn and remember.
• The Child Mind Institute: Helpful guide for helping children develop self-regulation skills, including practice runs and strategies for improve self-reflectivity:

Other teaching sheets that may be helpful

#1692:  ADHD in children: Learn the symptoms of ADHD and how parents and schools can help a child with this diagnosis.

#1691:  Disruptive behaviors: Learn about disruptive behaviors and how to help a child with disruptive behaviors.

KidsHealth: Temper Tantrums: Temper tantrums range from whining and crying to screaming, kicking, hitting, and breath holding. Learn more here.