If there’s one social skill that parents, caregivers and teachers want kids to learn, it’s how to share, or take a turn. Songs about sharing are especially popular with the preschooler set, from Daniel Tiger’s “You can take a turn and then I’ll get it back,” to CoComelon’s “Sharing Song.” And for good reason — around age 3 is when a child begins to understand the concept of sharing or taking a turn.

Sharing is a foundational social skill that helps children learn:

• Empathy
  
  
• Cooperation
  
  
• Impulse control
  
  
• Perspective-taking
  
  
• Negotiation
  
  
• Compromise
  
  
• Fairness
  
  
• Patience
  
  
• And ultimately, emotional regulation. 

Knowing how to share will help your child make and keep friends, play cooperatively and problem-solve. These skills help your child function in a group and are critical to your child’s life-long success as a partner, parent and worker.

So, how can you help your child learn to share?

Sharing Is Hard

First, it’s important to remember that learning to share is incredibly hard. Developmentally, kids under the age of 3 won’t understand what it means to share. When something is taken away from them, they don’t know that they’ll get it back. In addition, kids under 3 don’t know how to think about another person’s feelings yet. 

Don’t actively start teaching your kids to share until they’re at least 3 years old. Then, remember to be extremely patient. Learning to share is a skill that develops slowly over time.

Taking Turns

Rather than talking about “sharing” as an abstract concept, use turn-taking to model sharing with your child. You can practice turn-taking board games, roll a ball back and forth or take turns choosing songs in the car.

You also can narrate what it looks like to take turns with someone else. For example, you could say, “I am having a turn talking. When I’m done, Dad will have a turn.” Or, “I am going to read this book now. Then you get to read it after me.”

Structured turn-taking like setting a timer for three to five minutes can be a useful tool. It creates a clear endpoint for waiting, teaches fairness and can alleviate anxiety around scarcity.

Treasured Toy

Allow your child to have a few special things that are just for them and excluded from sharing. For example, a favorite stuffed animal, blanket or a new toy. Having a few items “owned” by your child reduces their anxiety around sharing and actually supports generosity later.

Validate Their Feelings About Sharing

It’s important to empathize with your child about how difficult it is to wait their turn and share. Putting voice to their feelings, such as, “I know you really want that truck. It’s hard to wait!” can help them feel less defensive and possessive of their things.

In addition, you can talk with them about how others might feel when they cannot have a turn or tell them about times you found it hard to share.

Reinforce Positive Behavior

When you spot your child doing a good job, call out the specific positive behavior immediately. For example, “You did a great job waiting!” or, “You let him have a turn even though you wanted it. Wow!”

Remember, sharing is a skill that’s learned and built slowly over time through structure, modeling and repetition. Stay patient and keep practicing!