Child Sexual Development: Healthy Development at Every Age

Child Sexual Development: Healthy Development at Every Age

Learn more about normal and healthy sexual development at every age.
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What Is Child Sexual Development?

Child sexual development refers to the:

  • Physical changes (puberty, starting menstruation, having wet dreams)
  • Behavioral changes (showing affection, masturbation, partner intimacy)
  • Sexual knowledge development (what gender is, what sex is, what sexual orientation is) that a child goes through in their youth.

The foundation for sexual development starts when a child is a baby. At each age, your child should show some behaviors that seem sexual.

Remember, your child is learning and growing. At times, these age-appropriate behaviors may call for a teaching moment, rather than discipline. Consider how your personal beliefs and family values may impact your child’s sexual development.

What Do Healthy Behaviors Look Like?

Babies and Toddlers (Birth to 2 Years Old)

Your baby and toddler may:Babies and toddlers

  • Show affection to caregivers with hugs and kisses.
  • Touch, hold, pull, or poke their own genitals (sexual organs).
  • Get an erection if they have a penis. This often happens before they pee.
  • Look at or touch genitals of familiar adults and children.
  • Like to be naked.
  • Play games that include taking clothes off or being naked.
  • Be curious when other people are naked.
  • Be interested in how others use the bathroom.
  • Look at or touch genitals of familiar adults and children.
  • Repeat words they hear about the body.
Preschool Years (3 to 5 Years Old)

Your preschooler may:Preschool years

  • Explore their body through touch, including touching their genitals.
  • Ask basic questions about bodies or how babies are made.
  • Play games to act out family relationships and gender roles.
  • Talk or joke about body parts or functions.
  • Be curious when other people are naked.
  • Be interested in how others use the bathroom.
Early Elementary Years (6 to 8 Years Old)

Your elementary school child may:Early elementary years

  • Be curious about their gender and the gender of others.
  • Look for books or websites that will teach them about sex.
  • Gain more awareness of human sexuality.
  • Try saying jokes or words about sex or genitals.
  • Ask for more privacy.
  • Touch their genitals. Masturbation is a normal way for elementary schoolers to explore their bodies and sexuality.
  • Occasionally try to see someone else naked.
  • Play games that mimic relationships or involve touching and looking at other’s bodies such as “playing doctor.”
  • Start puberty.
Early Adolescence (9 to 12 Years Old)

Your early adolescent may:Early adolescence

  • Begin or continue puberty. This will include both physical and emotional changes.
  • Have sexual interest in their peers and begin dating.
  • Show physical and emotional affection to friends.
  • Know about sexuality, including body image, relationships, puberty, and sexual behavior.
  • Imagine what an ideal partner would be like, often thinking of a celebrity.
  • Explore their own and others’ sexual orientation.
  • Look for books or websites that will teach them about sex.
  • Feel uncomfortable or embarrassed talking about sex with adults.
  • Want more privacy.
  • Touch their genitals, or masturbate, for pleasure. Masturbation in private is a normal way for adolescents to explore their bodies and sexuality.
What Do Healthy Behaviors Look Like in Teenagers?

Your teenager may:teenagers

  • Continue puberty. This will include both physical and emotional changes.
  • Touch their genitals, or masturbate, in private for pleasure. Masturbation is a normal way for teens to explore their bodies and sexuality.
  • Look for books or websites that will teach them about sex. This may include watching pornography.
  • Have sexual interest in peers and begin dating. They may show emotional growth in how they treat a partner with longer, more mature relationships.
  • Start to recognize the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships.
  • Want to be close to someone physically and emotionally. They may show affection with friends by hugging or kissing to show love and support.
  • Explore their identity by learning about gender and self-expression.
  • Share their sexual orientation. They may tell others they are straight, gay, lesbian, or bisexual even if they have not had a romantic or sexual relationship yet.
  • Sex text with a same aged peer. Teenagers may think sexting is an innocent activity if it is done with mutual consent, but teens should understand that problems can still happen.
  • Know about or be curious about important sexual health information including reproduction, contraception, and sexually transmitted infections.
  • Say “no” to things they do not want to do. This helps build respect for their own personal boundaries and the boundaries of others.
  • Want to do more things on their own or ask for more privacy.

When Should You Talk to Your Child’s Provider?

There is a wide range of age-appropriate development at each age. Learn more about child sexual development at each stage of childhood. If something concerns you, tell your provider.

To Learn More, Review These Children’s Wisconsin Resources:

ALERT

Call your child’s provider, nurse, or clinic if you have any questions or concerns or if:

  • Your son shows signs of puberty before age 9.
  • You daughter shows signs of puberty before age 7 or 8.
  • Your child has special health care needs that were not covered by this information.