Mental health starts early on. Children who find healthy ways to express their feelings are more likely to develop positive relationships with others, feel more confident and perform better in school. On the flipside, big feelings can be overwhelming for young kids, especially if they aren’t able to communicate how they feel to a trusted adult.
As a caregiver, you play an important role in helping your child learn how to talk about and cope with their emotions in a positive and healthy way. Below, find some practical tips for supporting your little one as they learn to express their feelings.
Lead by Example
Adults have an important responsibility to teach children to name, understand and communicate emotions. To help your child express their feelings, make an effort to share yours as part of your daily routine. For example, at dinnertime, have every family member share the “high” and “low” of their day. Some people refer to this as the “rose and the thorn.” This can be adapted for young children to be the “best/worst” or “happiest/saddest” part. Another adaptation of this technique is called “high, low, buffalo.” Similar to the rose and thorn, family members share the “high” and “low” of their day, but also include the “buffalo,” which includes any unique, bizarre or interesting part of their day. This could include having a substitute teacher or a friend who lost their tooth on the playground.
When you feel frustrated or stressed, name how you feel in front of your child to normalize emotional ups and downs. It can also help to narrate how you’re coping with emotions to provide tangible examples of how to manage stress. For example, you could say, “I feel frustrated about work right now, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths and get a drink of water to calm down.”
Help Your Child Tune Into Their Body
The mind and body are closely linked, which means feelings often manifest physically. When you’re talking about feelings with your child, ask them what was going on in their body that told them they felt that way. For example, if your child was feeling nervous, maybe their stomach hurt, they felt like crying or like they couldn’t breathe. If your child felt excited or happy, maybe they noticed a burst of energy in their body or a smile on their face.
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Try a Visual Activity
To practice naming emotions, draw or print out a picture of a blank face and have your child draw different feelings on it. Bring up times when the child may have experienced frustration, anger or sadness and have them identify how they felt and draw it. For example, “How did you feel when your favorite toy broke?” Your child may choose to draw a sad or mad face depending on how they felt. A feelings wheel, which you can find online, is a great way to introduce new emotions.
Reflect After Emotional Moments
When your child is actively upset, it can be hard to have a constructive discussion. Once everyone is calm, have a conversation to help your little one learn and understand their feelings. Use reflection by listening to your child and then helping to describe their feelings. For example, you could say, “You have tears in your eyes. You seem sad that we can’t go to the park today.”
Validate Your Child’s Feelings
Validating, or acknowledging how your child feels, is an important part of healthy emotional development. This can be hard when children experience negative emotions like sadness or anger — you may be tempted to solve the problem rather than validating how your child feels. Instead, remind them that it’s normal to experience a variety of different emotions, and that you’re there to support them in the process.
Ask Your Child What They Need
When your child is struggling, don’t jump right to problem solving. You can model empathy by asking how you can support them, whether by simply listening, offering a hug or helping them fix the problem. When you create space for your child to feel whatever emotions they’re going through, they’ll be more likely to open up with bigger struggles or more serious topics.
Enlist an Expert
If emotional outbursts or other mental health struggles are becoming increasingly difficult, or you just need a hand in helping your child work through their feelings, don’t hesitate to reach out to an expert. Your child’s primary care provider is a great resource for new skills that can help your child — and you — work through emotions. At Children’s Wisconsin, every primary care office has a dedicated Behavioral Health Consultant on staff who partners with our pediatricians to help address any mental or emotional concerns families have. If necessary, your pediatrician can refer you to a mental health provider for specialized support.
At Children’s Wisconsin, we understand that a child’s mental health is just as important as their physical health. That’s why we take a comprehensive, family-centered approach to care. Through our Craig Yabuki Mental Health Center, we provide specialized services to support the mental and behavioral health of children from infancy through young adulthood.
