Young couple hugging on park bench
At Every Turn > Primary Care > Teens and healthy dating
Tips Sep 27, 2018

Teens and healthy dating

James Shander, MD, Pediatrician

The teen years can be full of ups and downs. These feelings are normal as teens try out more adult behaviors and responsibilities, deal with growing expectations, and make the gradual transition to independence.

For some teens, dating plays a part in this time of life. It can be a wonderful experience where teens develop trust and learn about mutual compromise and empathy. It can also be awkward, perplexing or even heartbreaking. Teens who date can learn to give to others and how to expect the same in return. This can all be part of practice sessions to find meaningful relationships in life.

Some teenagers date and others don’t, and dating is just one way to develop strong relationships. Having good friends, being part of a team or group, or closeness with family are other ways to build intimacy and interpersonal skills.

Starting to date

The main thing I share with teens and parents as young people begin to think about dating is to only start dating only when you feel ready, not because you are pressured, are a certain age, or because your friends are. Teens who date before they are ready or have low self-esteem are at risk for developing unhealthy relationships.

Also, date people in your own age range. Teenagers who date someone older than themselves are more likely to have sex before they’re ready. Group dating with friends can be a good way to start dating, allowing teens to be comfortable and have shared experiences.

Dealing with the physical/sexual aspects of dating as well as the prospect of breakups is also important. It’s good to think about these questions ahead of time:

  • How would I handle it if I’m pressured to do things physically with my boyfriend/girlfriend that I don’t want to do?
  • How do I end the relationship if I think it is time to move on? What if my boyfriend/girlfriend dumps me?
  • Healthy Dating
  • Everyone has a right to a healthy dating relationship –– even if past relationships have not been healthy. 

Healthy dating:

  • You look forward to seeing your girlfriend/boyfriend.
  • You have fun together and enjoy some of the same activities, but also have separate friends and interests.
  • Your boyfriend/girlfriend respects you, your beliefs and your decisions.
  • You feel they like you back and you’re not always left wondering.

Unhealthy dating:

  • Your boyfriend/girlfriend calls you names, puts you down or criticizes you.
  • He or she shows jealous behaviors and keeps track of you, including who you talk to, text and exchange social media messages with.
  • You go out of your way to avoid triggering his or her bad mood.
  • You feel pressure to do something sexual when you don’t want to.
  • You are kept from seeing or talking to family or friends.
  • You are ever physically hit, pushed, slapped or kicked.
  • Dating violence
  • Dating violence can be physical, psychological, sexual or any combination of the three. One in three teenagers have experienced dating violence, and boys and girls both experience it.

Teens who experience abuse, or may be wondering if their relationship is abusive can call the National Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474, chat online at loveisrespect.org or text LOVEIS to 22522. This excellent resource offers 24-hour real-time support from peer advocates, and is also appropriate for concerned parents, teachers and friends.

Teens and adults can also download the Sojourner Peace App, which lets users confidentially examine their relationship through a relationship quiz and take preventive measures. The app was developed by Sojourner Family Peace Center, a collaboration between Children’s Wisconsin, the Milwaukee Child Advocacy Center and the Milwaukee Police Department and district attorney’s office.

If you or your teen has questions or concerns about healthy dating, talk to your pediatrician.

Children's Wisconsin Resources

Children’s Wisconsin has more than 20 primary care offices conveniently located throughout the Milwaukee area and southeast Wisconsin. Find a pediatrician near you. View more articles from James Shander, MD

Related stories

Benefits of gardening with your kids Children's Wisconsin
Tips May 28, 2025

Growing Up Green: The Many Benefits of Gardening With Your Kids

Caitlin Jacobs, MPH, RD, CD Clinical Dietitian

Gardening gets your kids outside, exposes them to a variety of foods and promotes their natural curiosity.

Understanding and addressing anxiety in kids Children's Wisconsin
Tips May 20, 2025

No More Worries: How To Manage Anxiety in Children

Tyler White, LPC Behavioral Health Consultant

While anxiety is a natural part of being human, it can be quite unpleasant to live with.

Skin cancer and melanoma in kids Children's Wisconsin Dermatology Program
Tips May 14, 2025

How To Protect Your Child From Skin Cancer

Valerie Carlberg, MD Dermatologist

Although childhood skin cancer is rare, protecting your child’s skin from ultraviolet radiation is critical for preventing long-term health consequences.

How to Cultivate Assertiveness in Your Child Children's Wisconsin
Tips May 05, 2025

How to Cultivate Assertiveness in Your Child

Rebecca Bons, PsyD Behavioral Health Consultant

Learning how to be assertive helps children build safe relationships, navigate conflicts and boost self-esteem.

What Are Obesogens and Do They Cause Weight Gain in Children? Children's Wisconsin
Tips Apr 16, 2025

Are Obesogens Causing Weight Gain in Children?

Pallavi Iyer, MD Endocrinologist

Obesity rates have more than tripled since the 1960s for both adults and children — but why?

Measles outbreak United States 2025 Children's Wisconsin
Tips Apr 16, 2025

Measles Outbreak Shows Importance of Getting Your Kids Vaccinated

Frank Zhu, MD Medical Director

The recent measles outbreak is a regrettable reminder to all of us of just how preventable this disease truly is when your child is vaccinated.

Beige parenting Children's Wisconsin
Tips Apr 02, 2025

The Rainbow Connection: How the Beige Parenting Trend Can Affect Children

Elizabeth Frantal, PA-C Physician Assistant

Beige parenting deviates from the bright colors and bold patterns that have dominated baby items for decades.