Hi, I’m Anxiety and I’ll be borrowing the next few moments of your time. I’ll be asking you a series of questions. This is a test. There are no correct answers but do your best anyway. Please try to be honest. Ready?
- Do you feel worried?
- Do you feel overwhelmed?
- Are they mad at you?
- Do you think that interaction could have gone better?
- Are they watching you?
- Are they thinking about you?
- Did you wear the right outfit?
- Are you worried that you aren’t good enough?
- Do you feel scared?
- Did you make the right decision?
Anxious thoughts like these are extremely common and affect people of all ages. Most people experience anxious thoughts periodically about school, work, relationships and health. In fact, they’re a normal part of human development and can help us identify and respond to potential threats or challenges. Your child will exhibit different signs of anxiety as they age.
Birth to Age 4
In the early stages of life, babies and young children may experience anxiety when separated from caregivers, introduced to new people, in unfamiliar settings or from loud noises or surprises. The relationships children develop early on with these anxiety-provoking experiences determines how our body adapts to the occurrences over time. Signs of anxiety in your child at this age include crying, clinginess and seeking reassurance from a caregiver.
Ages 5-12
As your child gets older, they may demonstrate anxiety through restlessness, difficulties with sleeping or eating, tantrums and avoidance. During the toddler and early childhood stage, they may also become more aware of how their body responds to certain situations. For example, a child might develop a stomachache when they realize their parents are leaving them with a babysitter. Or a child’s heart might start to race when a teacher calls on them in class.
Other possible signs of anxiety at this stage might include school avoidance, decreased interactions with family or friends, fidgeting and a regression in behaviors.
Ages 13-18
During adolescence, the desire to fit in is a powerful driver and a chief cause of anxiety. Teens compare themselves to others based on physical looks, academics, knowledge or skill, social status and potential. Anxiety during this stage may also be triggered by transitioning to adulthood and pressure to set goals for their future.
Your teen may be experiencing anxiety if you’re noticing increased school avoidance, skipping class or physical symptoms that arise from (or are influenced by) emotional distress, such as becoming ill when an event or deadline is approaching. Other signs of anxiety in teens includes overly talkative, procrastination, having a “perfectionist” mindset, trouble making decisions, restlessness or becoming easily overwhelmed or overstimulated.
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How Can Parents Help?
While anxiety is a universal and natural part of being human, it can be quite unpleasant, and sometimes downright disruptive, to live with. Parents and caregivers can help their kids manage anxiety by:
- Using calm energy to co-regulate them.
- Using empathy to validate their child’s feelings. While their anxious thought might sound silly or unreasonable to you, it is very real for them.
- Helping your child identify physical signs that they might be experiencing anxiety, such as a funny feeling in their stomach, a racing heartbeat, clenched fists or a flushed face.
- Reassuring your child that those physical symptoms are separate from who they are as a person. Tell them it’s okay to have anxious feelings, but we don’t want them to internalize, “I am an anxious person.”
- Getting curious with your child to help them identify the specific causes of their anxiety and to further create separation between anxiety and themselves as a person.
Skills to Combat Anxiety
Identifying an anxious thought is a great first step, but then what? Fortunately, clinicians and therapists have developed numerous strategies to help children and adults successfully manage anxious thoughts.
Grounding Skills
Grounding skills are strategies that help bring our bodies and minds back into the present moment when we’re feeling overwhelmed or experiencing a strong emotion. They help shut out external “noise” so we can intentionally focus on one thing at a time, thereby calming us. Popular grounding exercises include:
- 5-4-3-2-1 method: Identify five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste.
- Deep, slow breathing: Exhaling longer than you inhale especially calms the nervous system
- Body scan: Slowly scan your body from head to toe and evaluate the different sensations you’re feeling
- Progressive muscle relaxation: Systematically tense and then relax different muscle groups in the body
- Calming phrases or mantras Such as “Everything is okay” or “I have the skills to deal with this.”
You can further help your child regulate by performing these grounding strategies with them!
Journaling
Journaling provides a safe way for kids and teens to process their anxious thoughts and feelings, identify what caused it (triggers and patterns), note how their body responded (signs and symptoms) and evaluate the appropriateness of their response. They also can write down what helped them overcome their anxious thoughts.
For kids who are too young to write, parents or caregivers can have a conversation with their child and write down what they’re talking about.
Create a Plan for When Anxiety Shows Up
If you know your child gets anxious in specific circumstances, help them prepare for that in advance. For example, if your child has a big test coming up and you know they struggle with performance anxiety, make a plan with them about the strategies they can use when the moment comes — i.e. grounding skills or asking the teacher for a break.
Similarly, if your toddler experiences social anxiety in new settings, such as at a large family gathering or before starting a new school year, help them build a game plan of what they can do if they start to feel anxious.
You also can work with your child to set SMART goals — specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely — that they can set to overcome anxiety in specific situations.
Practice, Practice, Practice
As with any skill, it takes A LOT of practice to master tools that will help combat anxiety. It might take weeks, months or even years before your child can recall a skill and use it on the spot. And crucially, it’s important to practice the skills when you’re calm. When your body is reacting to an anxious experience, it’s extremely difficult to recall something unfamiliar. In the meantime, your calm guidance can help your child recall tools when needed.
When Does Your Child Need More Help?
It can be difficult to know when what your child is experiencing goes beyond “typical” anxiety. You may want to seek help from a professional if the frequency, intensity and duration of your child’s anxiety is having an impact on their daily activities and on the family dynamic. For example, if your child is unable to participate in activities to the point where it’s stopping them from enjoying things, or one child’s anxiety is affecting the normal functioning of your entire family, it would be best to consult with your primary care provider or a mental health provider.
Managing anxiety can be a process, and sometimes additional support is needed. If you have ongoing concerns about your child's anxiety, please reach out to their pediatrician. Pediatricians can offer guidance and help determine the best course of action. For severe anxiety, like excessive panic attacks or other urgent mental health concerns that need immediate attention, remember our Children’s Wisconsin mental health walk-in clinics are available. We have locations in Milwaukee and Kenosha, providing same-day care for children and teens with urgent mental health needs, and no appointment is required.
