Adoption, foster care, Children's Wi, says goodbye
At Every Turn > Foster Care > What it’s like when a foster family says goodbye
Patient Stories Jun 20, 2014

What it’s like when a foster family says goodbye

Charonne Ganiere, Licensed foster parent

If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it a million times: “I could never do what you do, because I couldn’t give them back.” That comment gets under my skin. Every time. It’s as if people are claiming that because they just couldn’t “give them up,” they are better than me. As if saying, because I can give them up, I am less of a mom or must have some kind of superpower they don’t possess.

Of course, neither of those is true. As we prepare to say goodbye to another precious one we have loved as our own, I think, “I can’t do this.” I don’t want to have a conversation with the other children in our home telling them that this little one will no longer be living with our family. I have to paint the picture for them that, although we are very sad to see her go, this is a good thing for her. I don’t want to wake up the morning after she leaves and find an empty space in her bed. I don’t want to hug and kiss her for what might be the last time. I don’t want to answer well-meaning questions as to where she is. I just don’t.

The goodbyes certainly are not my favorite part of foster care. Sometimes in the healthiest of situations, foster parents are allowed to continue to be a part of a child’s life after they’ve moved on, but sadly that isn’t always the case.

We do our best to work through this transition with many talks and preparations for the little ones, and many avenues to keep our foster child in our hearts. We have made Build–A-Bears, photo albums and books, making sure to have an extra for ourselves. We write letters telling of this dear child’s time as a part of our family and sharing our continued hopes and dreams for her future. We pack up her things in boxes and cute overnight bags (If you are a foster parent reading this, please, PLEASE never send your child on with their belongings in a trash bag.) and we throw a “sendoff party” with our closest friends and family.

Then we hang a new picture on a very special wall in our living room. It is by far my favorite wall in our home. I look at it and I see myself, my husband, my biological children, and many smiling faces I treasure dearly. Some are still with us some are not. I love this wall, these precious smiles, this gallery of my children both for a little while and forever!

At any given time, as many as 7,000 children are in foster care in Wisconsin. As the largest provider of foster care programming in the state, Children’s Wisconsin offers high levels of support to foster and adoptive families.  View more articles from Charonne Ganiere

Related stories

Kaylee awake craniotomy Children's Wisconsin Neurosciences Center
Patient Stories Apr 08, 2025

The Little Warrior: How a Young Girl Made Medical History at Children’s Wisconsin

Evan Solochek Writer

To meet Kaylee, you'd never know of all the sickness, hospital admissions and surgeries that threatened her childhood.

The power of fostering siblings Children's Wisconsin
Patient Stories Mar 14, 2025

Fostering Siblings Builds Unbreakable Bonds

Cassie Schmidt Foster Parent

When children enter foster care, they often feel scared. But when they enter with a sibling, they bring a piece of home with them.

New Clinic Partnerships in Northeast Wisconsin Fosters Ease and Access for Patient Families Children's Wisconsin
Patient Stories Mar 11, 2025

Providing Specialty Care Closer to Home for Kids in Northeast Wisconsin

For many families in Northeast Wisconsin, the Connected for Kids partnership has been more than just convenient — it’s been life-changing.

Mara arteriovenous malformation AVM Children's Wisconsin Neurosciences Center
Patient Stories Feb 04, 2025

When Life Threw Mara a Curveball, Children’s Wisconsin Was There

For Mara, an out-of-the-blue headache one day at school was the first sign of something much more serious.

Germelle Sickle Cell Disease Children's Wisconsin MACC Fund Center for Cancer and Blood Disorders
Patient Stories Jan 02, 2025

A Boy’s Life: Doctors at Children’s Wisconsin Gave Germelle a Second Chance To Be a Kid

Evan Solochek Writer

For the first three years of Germelle’s life, he spent more days in the hospital than in his home.

Trinity Herma Heart Institute at Children's Wisconsin
Patient Stories Dec 09, 2024

Strength, Endurance and Connection: How Trinity Beat All the Odds

Jen Novotny Writer

When Trinity came to Children's Wisconsin in 2021, she had a very slim chance of surviving.

Owen and Ean Transnasal Endoscopy TNE Children's Wisconsin Gastroenterology, Liver and Nutrition Program
Patient Stories Nov 13, 2024

A better way: How a new technique is improving care for kids with chronic GI issues

Erin Kohlmann Writer

For kids with chronic stomach and GI issues, Children's Wisconsin is dedicated to bringing them comfort.