Adoption, foster care, Children's Wi, same sex
At Every Turn > Foster Care > My experience as a same-sex foster parent
Patient Stories Mar 14, 2016

My experience as a same-sex foster parent

Abby Collier, Licensed foster parent

As a two-mom household, we have always been concerned about our children facing discrimination because their parents are lesbians. Recently, Shay (our 6-year-old adopted son) was told he could not have two mommies by a classmate. He informed his peer that he in fact has three mommies, his birth mother, my wife and me. Shay was placed with us when he was 2 days old and we were lucky Children's Wisconsin foster care and adoptionenough to adopt him shortly after his second birthday. We have always been very open with Shay about his adoption, we want him to understand his whole identity. His response was priceless, innocent and absolutely correct.

We were treated like every other couple

When my wife and I started down the path to become foster parents six and a half years ago, we were worried that our sexual orientation would be used against us. At the time, Wisconsin’s constitutional ban on same-sex marriage was still new and parenting as a lesbian couple was challenging. When we decided to expand our family through foster care, we were concerned that the child welfare system would discriminate against us and our future children would face bullying. We were pleasantly surprised when our licensing worker treated us like every other couple. We were asked a lot of probing questions, filled out tons of paperwork and felt like we were under a microscope. This is typical of the licensing process.

All children need a loving family

Now that there is marriage equality, the same laws and regulations apply to all married couples, regardless of sexual orientation. A common argument I hear from others is while the law requires all married couples to be treated equally, there is no guarantee that same-sex couples won’t face additional discrimination. And this is true. However, in our time as foster parents we have not encountered any discrimination from the child welfare system. Our case managers, licensing workers, attorneys, judges, and basically everyone, all have been supportive of our family. We share a common goal — a forever family for Shay.

In the end, it doesn’t matter if your home has two moms, two dads or some other combination. All children, especially foster children, need a loving family and safe place to live and flourish.

Learn how you can be part of the story by becoming a foster parent here.

At any given time, as many as 7,000 children are in foster care in Wisconsin. As the largest provider of foster care programming in the state, Children’s Wisconsin offers high levels of support to foster and adoptive families.  View more articles from Abby Collier

Related stories

New Children's Wisconsin Good Hope Clinic Expands Primary and Urgent Care on Milwaukee’s Northwest Side
Patient Stories May 15, 2025

New Good Hope Clinic Expands Primary and Urgent Care on Milwaukee’s Northwest Side

New clinic location replaces and expands previous Good Hope Pediatrics with all-day urgent care, imaging services and more.

Kaylee awake craniotomy Children's Wisconsin Neurosciences Center
Patient Stories Apr 08, 2025

The Little Warrior: How a Young Girl Made Medical History at Children’s Wisconsin

Evan Solochek Writer

To meet Kaylee, you'd never know of all the sickness, hospital admissions and surgeries that threatened her childhood.

The power of fostering siblings Children's Wisconsin
Patient Stories Mar 14, 2025

Fostering Siblings Builds Unbreakable Bonds

Cassie Schmidt Foster Parent

When children enter foster care, they often feel scared. But when they enter with a sibling, they bring a piece of home with them.

New Clinic Partnerships in Northeast Wisconsin Fosters Ease and Access for Patient Families Children's Wisconsin
Patient Stories Mar 11, 2025

Providing Specialty Care Closer to Home for Kids in Northeast Wisconsin

For many families in Northeast Wisconsin, the Connected for Kids partnership has been more than just convenient — it’s been life-changing.

Mara arteriovenous malformation AVM Children's Wisconsin Neurosciences Center
Patient Stories Feb 04, 2025

When Life Threw Mara a Curveball, Children’s Wisconsin Was There

For Mara, an out-of-the-blue headache one day at school was the first sign of something much more serious.

Germelle Sickle Cell Disease Children's Wisconsin MACC Fund Center for Cancer and Blood Disorders
Patient Stories Jan 02, 2025

A Boy’s Life: Doctors at Children’s Wisconsin Gave Germelle a Second Chance To Be a Kid

Evan Solochek Writer

For the first three years of Germelle’s life, he spent more days in the hospital than in his home.

Trinity Herma Heart Institute at Children's Wisconsin
Patient Stories Dec 09, 2024

Strength, Endurance and Connection: How Trinity Beat All the Odds

Jen Novotny Writer

When Trinity came to Children's Wisconsin in 2021, she had a very slim chance of surviving.