Adoption, foster care, Children's Wi, thoughts
At Every Turn > Foster Care > Why foster? Thoughts from a foster parent
Patient Stories Jul 04, 2016

Why foster? Thoughts from a foster parent

Betsy DuKatz, Foster and Adoptive Parent

Why … three simple letters and one simple question. A question that foster parents know all too well because they have been asked it over and over and over again — by their beloved family members, closest friends and total strangers. It’s a question that is asked because from the outside one may see difficulties, pain, turmoil and sorrow.

From the outside, one may think fostering as a hopeless, ineffective, futile or despairing endeavor. As a foster parent, I cannot expect others to understand that God has placed upon our hearts to live out this beautiful, powerful and yes, very difficult story. My vision, my thoughts and my heart are different from someone who looks at foster care from the outside. I cannot expect their eyes to see what I see and their heart to feel what mine does.

Where you see chaos … I see glimpses of progress.

Where you see exhaustion … I see the healing process working.

Where you see naughty … I see the trauma coming out.

Where you see broken … I see potential.

When you think something is hopeless … I am encouraged to think “out of the box.”

When you think futile … I endlessly look for the fruitful.

When you think ineffective … I think every second spent toward a solution is worthwhile.

Have I questioned myself about this journey? ABSOLUTELY! Time and time again, in fact.

Pain, loss and blessings

As I step out in faith into situations that have been difficult and painful, I have had my doubts. I have let fear take over and have lost sleep worrying and questioning my decisions. I have cried a multitude of tears, and I have let anger get the best of me. I have leaned on my family and friends too many times to count. Yet through it all, my heart has always come back to the blessing of living this amazing life just as we are.

After our adopted daughter Lucy’s brothers left us (reunified with mom), our family actually took some time to deal with the pain and loss. We went 16 months without taking in a placement. The time may have gone even longer if it hadn’t been for the endless questions from our children. Questions like, ”Are we still a foster family?” and statements like “This is what we do.” And “There are children who need us.” We took in two sisters after that 16 month break.

So while there are many days this fostering journey has drained the life from us, there are far more memories of the amazing life we have because of it.

Does that answer your question?

At any given time, as many as 7,000 children are in foster care in Wisconsin. As the largest provider of foster care programming in the state, Children’s Wisconsin offers high levels of support to foster and adoptive families.  View more articles from Betsy DuKatz

Related stories

Kaylee awake craniotomy Children's Wisconsin Neurosciences Center
Patient Stories Apr 08, 2025

The Little Warrior: How a Young Girl Made Medical History at Children’s Wisconsin

Evan Solochek Writer

To meet Kaylee, you'd never know of all the sickness, hospital admissions and surgeries that threatened her childhood.

The power of fostering siblings Children's Wisconsin
Patient Stories Mar 14, 2025

Fostering Siblings Builds Unbreakable Bonds

Cassie Schmidt Foster Parent

When children enter foster care, they often feel scared. But when they enter with a sibling, they bring a piece of home with them.

New Clinic Partnerships in Northeast Wisconsin Fosters Ease and Access for Patient Families Children's Wisconsin
Patient Stories Mar 11, 2025

Providing Specialty Care Closer to Home for Kids in Northeast Wisconsin

For many families in Northeast Wisconsin, the Connected for Kids partnership has been more than just convenient — it’s been life-changing.

Mara arteriovenous malformation AVM Children's Wisconsin Neurosciences Center
Patient Stories Feb 04, 2025

When Life Threw Mara a Curveball, Children’s Wisconsin Was There

For Mara, an out-of-the-blue headache one day at school was the first sign of something much more serious.

Germelle Sickle Cell Disease Children's Wisconsin MACC Fund Center for Cancer and Blood Disorders
Patient Stories Jan 02, 2025

A Boy’s Life: Doctors at Children’s Wisconsin Gave Germelle a Second Chance To Be a Kid

Evan Solochek Writer

For the first three years of Germelle’s life, he spent more days in the hospital than in his home.

Trinity Herma Heart Institute at Children's Wisconsin
Patient Stories Dec 09, 2024

Strength, Endurance and Connection: How Trinity Beat All the Odds

Jen Novotny Writer

When Trinity came to Children's Wisconsin in 2021, she had a very slim chance of surviving.

Owen and Ean Transnasal Endoscopy TNE Children's Wisconsin Gastroenterology, Liver and Nutrition Program
Patient Stories Nov 13, 2024

A better way: How a new technique is improving care for kids with chronic GI issues

Erin Kohlmann Writer

For kids with chronic stomach and GI issues, Children's Wisconsin is dedicated to bringing them comfort.